Tag: judahfinn

Chemo 4 done and side effects ramp up

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

I’ll start with the most important news first: Judah’s tumor hasn’t grown since we started chemo!

The radiologist hasn’t actually read it yet but we looked at with the dr and you can see it hasn’t grown! We also saw, and the dr confirmed, that there is less contrast (lighting up) so that means the chemo is killing those growing cancer cells. We are so elated! We won’t know if it’s shrunk until we see the radiologist’s report but we feel confident that this MRI is good news!

He has already had his labs and anti nausea meds. Everything looked pretty good. The dr said it looked, by his labs, that he is fighting “a little something” by the slight elevations but nothing to be worried about.

We did have to have a talk about his weight. He had lost weight…again. Dr pulled up Judah’s growth chart, which I always dread because he hasn’t been on a growth chart since he was 4, and showed us that Judah is in the 0.02% for his age. That means if you picked 1,000 kids randomly, he would be the smallest and thinnest of all those kids. And the kicker is, that he has now lost so much that he is technically considered “failing to thrive”. This wasn’t shocking to us because we have been fighting his weight loss and lack of appetite for 5 yrs. But the failure to thrive was heart wrenching. The dr was quick to tell us that we have done nothing wrong. That gaining weight is hard for a lot of kids with cancer. But also said that we can’t do nothing now. So in the next couple of weeks Judah will probably be getting a feeding tube (NG Tube). For those of you who are medical people, he can’t get a G Tube because the chemo makes it too hard for his body to heal. They can’t do surgery unless he goes off chemo for 4-6 wks. And we aren’t doing that right now.  Judah is very sad. He doesn’t want  to be “Judah with cancer”. He wants to be “just Judah”. And the NG Tube will be on his face. And people will see it. You can hide a G Tube under your shirt. It’s a bummer. But it’s also necessary at this point. Judah is an amazing kid. He sweet and gets “it” like most kids can’t. He understands he has to have the NG Tube. And he will get to a better place because that is just who God made him to be. Brave and introspective and sweet and trusting. Join us in praying for his heart. And that his little friends can see past the weird tube and treat him like “just Judah”!

He finished his chemo in great time and we went down the street to McDougal’s Chicken, before we headed back to Bam’s for the night. We planned ahead of time to stay over night in case judah was sick and boy am I glad we did. About an hour after he finished chemo he started getting sick. We had to rush to the bathroom several times before we even got back to Bam’s. Unfortunately, Judah was sick the rest of the day and into the night. He hasn’t been actively sick today but he also hasn’t eaten much.

Thank you for celebrating with us and praying with us. We are grateful for our community!

Last day of school and 6wk MRI

Posted on by Wendi Thacker
Judah and Camilla Kate (Cricket) had their last day of school today. It was full of fun and parties and sweet hugs and goodbyes. Thankfully, the co-op family is close and we will still see our friends throughout the summer.
While the kids were at school, I busies myself with cleaning and packing and searching for Judah’s long lost bey blade he “really needed to show to Gabe!” *Insert exasperated 9yro voice* Packing for Nashville isn’t usually very hard, but this time, since he’ll be doing chemo there tomorrow, I had to pack for chemo day too. It was hectic and frustrating and I did not find the bey blade though I searched for almost 30 dedicated minutes?
As I loaded the car, I kept running through my mental list of must haven’t items knowing I would forget something. And I did. Matthew and my toiletries…of all the things to deal with on chemo day, stinky breath and armpits was not one of them. We weren’t far from home when I realized it so we went back!? My mother has always told me to make a list, put it the car when you think of it…I’m a great listener ?
After dropping off Emmett at Mimi’s, meeting Mumzy to get her lasagna, we finally got on the road.
God has blessed us with beautiful weather and traffic and we are about to pull into Bam’s as I type this. But before I leave you, I want to request a few specific prayers:
1) That Judah’s rocks his MRI at 7est and is very still so the picture is crystal clear (he does them awake bc he’s a rockstar!)
2) That the MRI shows that the chemo is working and Judah’s tumor has stopped growing (or at least shrunk)
3) That tomorrow’s chemo (begins at ~10am) goes by quickly and that the nurses are kind.
4) That Judah doesn’t get sick during or after chemo.
5) That God continue show us His enormous love and care whether through continuing to provide for our every need (And He has!) or healing Judah completely or both!Matthew and I cannot thank you all enough for showing up and showing out for the Thacker pack. We are in awe at how The Mover of Mountains has battled for us through y’all.

Sleep, chemo side effects, and Jesus

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

I am a heavy sleeper. I love sleep and people who know me will tell you that I really do need 9-10 hrs of sleep a night to be my joyful self. So I go to bed early. Like at 9pm. I know! But I have learned that if I want to get all the sleeps, I have to forgo the TV and all that stuff and get into bed. I have even gone back to reading ‘dead tree’ books, as my husband affectionately calls them, to minimize the chances of falling into the endlessness of internet only to find that I’ve scrolled my way to midnight and kick myself because what had I actually read/seen that as worth losing precious shut eye?

All that to say, once I’m asleep, there isn’t much that wakes me. One of my children crying is one thing I ALWAYS hear no matter how asleep I am (fellow mommas nodding, right?) Another is the Holy Spirit. And that’s about it. Last night I was out cold, and had been for a few hrs, when I woke up for no apparent reason. When I say woke up, I mean wide awake! I looked at the time, after midnight, and then looked around the room. Nothing. Looked out into the hall and saw the bathroom light was on. And I said a quick thank you prayer because I knew then that one of my kids was sick. It wasn’t the fact that the light was on, cause my kids get up to pee in the middle of the night too. It was that I had been asleep and woke up for no apparent reason to find the bathroom light on. I knew this was a gentle nudging from Jesus.

I walked into the bathroom and found Judah a mess. He looked awful and told me he felt equally so. I asked him what was wrong and he said “my belly really hurt like I needed to poop but I was too late. And I feel like I’m gonna throw up”.  I told him is was totally fine and I would clean it all up. And I looked in his face and saw how embarrassed he was. So I got down next to him and said, “Hey Bug. I’m sorry this happened. Don’t feel bad about it ok? It’s so easy to fix this mess and it is 100% not your fault. This is the chemo rearing it’s ugly head.”

I prayed over him and for him, got him cleaned up and back in bed, and then set to cleaning up the hall and bathroom. While I cleaned I felt a crushing sadness. A feeling of helplessness. Weakness. How do we get Judah through this? What will it even look like to get him through this? And then there was the black hole…the what if’s taking over. I wish I could tell you I prayed or got my bible and read or even sang a worship song to myself. But I did none of those things. I scrubbed the floors and bathroom and cleaned myself up and crawled back in bed. I chose to ignore my feelings in hopes that they would go away if I just went to sleep. I slept horribly. I woke the next morning ‘tight’ inside. I knew I needed Jesus but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Him. So Jesus crossed lines to get to me.

My phone pinged. A simple text message popped up on my phone. “I’m praying for you right now.” That’s all it said. But it’s all it needed to say. Cause in that moment I felt God’s love for me. And that made it possible for the walls to come down and me to see Jesus.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit wakes us up in the middle of the night. Sometimes He urges us to send a note, a text, to make a call. Sometimes He brings a friend to mind. My advice is to heed that prompting. Jesus may be using you to pull someone out of the the back hole of despair.

We all want the miracle

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

Since Judah’s rediagnosis, I have found a renewed urgency to soak up God’s words. I remember the last time we went through all this, God had prepared me by giving me a desire to memorize His word. When I was afraid or sad or joyful, His word would linger in my mind, an encouragement to me. I sit here this morning, praying for a friend who is having surgery this morning, and I long for those scriptures I used to have at my fingertips! I have a distant memory of them, but have to look them up now. So as I’m thinking and praying, I know there is a scripture I want, I just can’t think of it.

But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress and He hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me. ~Psalm 55: 16-18

We are distressed. We live in a time where the world feels sick. But I love this bit of scripture. “He ransoms me unharmed”. Strong’s says this word ‘ransom’, at its root, means to deliver, by any means, preserve, redeem, rescue. And how are we redeemed? Unharmed. Also translated as ‘in peace’. This Hebrew word is Shalem. It means to amend, make good, finish, repay, restore, recompense. So this doesn’t mean unharmed the way we think of it. It means, when He rescues us, He will restore us. This is a beautiful picture of love. Because love doesn’t mean we are always safe and happy. But it does mean showing up. Showing care. Participating in restoration. Now, more than ever, I need to know this.

Because we all want to experience the miracle, right? We all want to be the 1 in a million. And when we aren’t? What happens to our faith then? For me, it’s knowing that God promises restoration.  And He is moving in ways we cannot see for His and our good.

Would it be nice to have the rescue story? Of course. For now, though, we will allow ourselves to be satisfied by His care and provision. And we cling to hope, asking God to keeps us close and direct our steps.

Third chemo all done

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

We got to ETCH at 9:30am and I realized, to my dismay, that I forgot to put Judah’s EMLA cream on. So though the nurses were on top of it, ready to access him and start his fluids, we had to wait 30 mins for the cram to numb his port  so it wouldn’t hurt. I now have a reminder on my phone?
Once the cream did it’s magic, his awesome nurse accessed him, drew labs, and started his fluids. I got out Judah’s school work but before we could get started Child Life came by to tell us some Tennessee Athletes were in the game room doing Beads of Courage bracelets, Judah jumped at the chance to not do his work, and he loves crafts!
The athletes were so nice and Judah loved having them help him make a bracelet for himself and his sister!
Thank you Tennessee Athletics for organizing a fun distraction for the kids!
When he finished, we headed back to his room where Judah proceeded to eat 4 bags of goldfish and 2 bags of Cheetos while waiting for his labs to come back. He loves him so salty cracker snacks!
Around 11 his labs came back great and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect because his fluids had just finished too!
Dr Spiller order his chemo and Judah and I started his school work, trying to finish his math and spelling…which he was not happy about. It took quite a while and a FaceTime call from Daddy to get him to do it. But that seemed to work!
Judah’s first chemo just finished at 12:30. We’ll wait for the flush and then hopefully start the next one!
Now he’s done with his school work though, we can get down to real business, battling each other in Pokken Tournament DX! This time I’m the one thankful for the distraction cause I have lots of work I should be doing…?
So far he hasn’t had any side effects. Keep the prayers coming because they are helping!
We made great time once they started the chemo and we are headed home at 2:30! Judah did great and was a warrior, as usual?
He is feeling mean though. I would be too though, so I get it! But it’s hard when he being so very hateful.

We will continue to ask Jesus to comfort our boy. Continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will help us to be slow to anger and abounding in love. Like He is!

When it rains it pours (2)

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

Last Tuesday was a busy day. Judah and I were still in Kingsport helping Cara. She had a follow-up appointment with her surgeon in Knoxville. We all piled into Cara’s van (Cara and her 3 kids, Judah and me) and drove to my house where Mumzy (our Mom) was waiting to take care of all the kiddos while we were at the Dr. We made great time and dropped the kids in time to get lunch before hand.

Cara’s appointment went great and the Dr said everything looked good. It was quick and easy. We swung by the house and got Cara’s kids, leaving Judah at home with Matthew so he could go to school Wednesday, and got on the road to go back to Kingsport.

Everything went great Tuesday night–in Kingsport. I got the boys ready for bed, Billy read them a story and then we put them to bed. Cara, Billy and I got to hang out for a bit and then went to bed. The next morning, Matthew texted me during my quiet time to see if “I had a second to talk”. This is never a good sign. I called. Judah had spiked a fever last night and after careful thought and testing out of a hypothesis, he decided not to take him to the ER. Judah is fine. His fever and headache behaved the way they always had in the past. The protocol is to take Judah to the ER for a fever over 100.3 because of the port. We knew it wasn’t something like a blood infection, but as his Drs have said, there is no way to KNOW from home. Taking Judah to the ER every week in the middle of the night is not feasible. We need a different solution.

I got home Wednesday in time for dinner and enjoyed time with my kiddos. I was really glad to be home. The rest of the week went on like usual. Then, Saturday night at 3AM, Judah stumbles into our room. His head is killing him and he is running a fever–again. I got up with him, took him downstairs, took his temperature and heart rate, and tried to figure out what to do. Fever was 102.5, heart rate was between 145-155. This was obviously a ‘take him to the ER’ thing. And yet, I waited. I gave him a pain med that does NOT help with fever, to help with his headache and arm/leg pain and decided to wait 30 minutes to see how he was doing. That 30 minutes crept by and when it was finally time to reck him, his fever and heart rate were no better so I got him in the car.

At the ER they took him temperature and it had come down to 101.7 but that is still too high for Judah to have. They accessed his port, took a blood culture and cbc and started a round of antibiotics. After 1.5 hrs, his cbc came back relatively normal for a kid on chemo and he was discharged with orders to talk to our Oncologist Thursday. We were home by 6:30AM and though I was exhausted, Judah had gotten his second wind and the other 2 kiddos were awake. As you can imagine Sunday was a LONG day. Judah was not particularly nice but would you bet if you’d gotten up at 3AM?

Our prayer is that someone finds out what’s causing he headaches and fever so we can stop them. And also, selfishly, that Matthew and I can find ways to talk to Judah, patiently and with love, when he is spewing meanness at everyone around him.

Chemo is Thursday.

When it rains it pours (1)

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

This week has not been a great one for Judah though at the start of it, it looked like it would be great!

On Sunday, he and I went to Kingsport to help my younger sister after she had rotator cuff surgery. Judah and Will love each other and play the same way; that kind of sit with action figures, cars, whatever imaginary play. They had both been looking forward to it.

We got there around the kiddos bedtime so there wasn’t time for any activity. They just went straight to bed. Cara and I stayed up for a bit to talk and the retired to bed too. Around 11:30 Cara comes downstairs and says “Judah is saying his foot is really hurting him.” I figured it was cramping and told her to send him down to me, apologizing that she had to get up with him. A few minutes later, here she comes, CARRYING, my 9 yr old down stairs. Reminder: she had rotator cuff surgery 10 days ago. Isaid, “What are you doing?? Put him down! He can walk.” Little did I know, he couldn’t walk. She put him on the bed and I could see in his face that he was in excruciating pain. His foot was not swollen or bruised but touching anywhere on the top was more than he could take. Even touching the arch and pressing up was too much.

I started to rack my brain. He can’t have Motrin because it things blood and he is taking chemo that things blood vessels. He can’t have Tylenol because it masks fever and he has a port so if it got infected, he would get real sick real fast. 

I started to cry. I was, again, away from Matthew and Judah was hurting and I didn’t know what to do. So I laid my hands on Judah and prayed over him. I prayed to Jehovah Rapha to heal Judah’s foot. I asked him to relieve Judah’s pain so he could sleep. Judah even prayed for himself. Nothing changed. I don’t know what I was expecting but I will say I started to feel an anger I haven’t felt in a long time. An anger about the injustice my boy has lived through thus far.

After 30 minutes after trying to calm him, I called Matthew who I said, “oh yeah. He feel today and I thought to myself, he probably just broke his foot. You probably need to take him to the ER for an x-ray.

WHAT?!?

I wasn’t calm. 

Thankfully Cara brought ice and, after taking his temp and deciding it was worth the risk, I gave him Tylenol. He was able to sleep soon after. 

The next day, he wouldn’t put any pressure on it. In fact if he fogort and accidentally put pressure on it, he would cry out in pain. We kept ice on it but it didn’t seem to be improving. I knew we were going home Tuesday so I decided to wait. 

When he went down for a nap, I went out into Cara’s yard and did a prayer walk. By prayer walk I mean, I wondered around talking to God — voicing my anger and frustration that Judah keeps getting sick and hurt. That cancer wasn’t enough. My mind was fixated on a particular ‘why’. Why does he have to fall and possibly break his foot when he is already fighting cancer? Why, when he never has energy or desire to do much of anything active, does he have to get hurt playing outside with his sister? I felt so abandoned. So alone. I prayed for Jesus to show me a bit of His love for me. For Judah. 

I listen to praise and worship music all the time. Most of those songs talk about God’s faithfulness. His ever presence. 

·Before I call, before I ever cry

·You answer me from where the thunder hides

·I can’t outrun, this heart I’m tethered to

·With every step, I collide with you.

~Fierce, Jesus Culture

It’s weird. I didn’t feel abandoned because of Judah’s cancer. I felt abandoned because of all the other stuff. The anger he has, the fevers, the not eating, the cramps, the broken foot. Where my heart is, I felt empty. Did I do something? I didn’t know what else to say. I was sad and angry. I needed Jesus. My strength was but a breeze compared to His hurricane. My peace was turmoil. It was all a mess without Jesus.  

After a couple of hrs, I went to ck on Judah and he was awake. I asked him how he felt. How his foot was. He said, “it feels better, I think. I can move it around!” And he wiggled his toes. And I cried! “Thank you Jesus for showing us Your love!” And Judah said, “yes!”

God is good. And He loves us with an undying, undeserved love. It is easy to have nothing but apathy for God when things go wrong while giving people all the glory when things go right. We have to learn not to divorce those things. God is good and bad things happen. God uses His people to love His people. (~Cara Mcmillin)

The rest of the week in the next post.

Wear Your Love!

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

Wear Your Love: #TEAMJUDAH

All proceeds from shirt and magnet sales go to support a celebratory trip for Judah’s No Mo Chemo Surprize!  Orders can be placed through the email above by May 10th and should be available by May 21st.  Please include name and prefered contact information with your order. Payment options include cash, check, or paypal/venmo!

For sizing charts and a printable flyer click on the link below! ?

Order Info

Adult shirts: $20, heather purple, soft Bella+Canvas

Youth shirts: $15, white, soft Next Level

Car Magnets: $3 each, 4 inches

second chemo here we go

Posted on by Wendi Thacker

Judah’s 2nd chemo is today. Matthew left for another Atlanta meeting at 5AM but thankfully I had some people come together to help me with Camilla Kate and Emmett.
We got to clinic at 9:45 and had check-in and labs quickly. All his labs were noraml except he is still a bit dehydrated. Hopefully the orange Gatorade Daddy got him will help him drink more often.
Chemo didn’t arrive until 1. It’s now almost 2 so we are about 1/2 way through the first bag. Each bag takes 1.5 hrs. It’s gonna be a LONG day. The nurses brought Judah lunch around noon. Me on the other hand, well let’s just say I’m really looking forward to the dinner from Two Rivers Church Worship Team tonight.
So far, the chemo is going well. We’ll probably be here until 5 though.
Prayers for patience and stamina!

2nd Chemo is finally done! Going home at 4:30 so my guess was very close! Today was a long long day, but Judah was in much better spirits.  He got going quickly on homeschool work and enjoyed the very cool entertainment options at ETCH.  Please join us in continuing to pray that Judah would not struggle with side effects from his treatment and that the chemo would be destroy his cancer!

1st clinic visit and learning to deal with feelings

Posted on by Wendi Thacker
Judah and I went to ETCH this morning for his 1st off-week clinic check. It was an easy appt and with the Emla Cream, Judah didn’t even feel it when the nurse accessed his port! Oncology nurses are really good at sticks and Judah told her so! “That was way better than the other night that the ER. You are really good at that.”
His labs looked good so he will be having his 2nd Chemo next Thursday.
As we were waiting for his labs to come back, I thought about how amazing the nurses, Drs, and clinic is there at ETCH. Judah said, as we entered our patient room, “wow this room is very relaxing! I like it”. The nurse that accessed him was friendly and sweet. She joked with him that she could help with whatever he needed as long as it wasn’t his Math homework, haha. Judah’s oncologist Dr. Spiller, is just so good at what she does and really made an effort to connect with Judah and with me. We felt cared about and heard and loved. And when your kid is starting a year long chemo, those are the feelings you want to have! I am so very grateful to have ETCH Hem/Onc taking care of Judah!

I’m guessing all the the positivity we had today was making up for all the negativity we had yesterday. Judah was in a foul mood yesterday. It didn’t start off great because I am not the best at morning time anythings… I woke up, made breakfast, packed lunches, got dressed and felt like I was crushing it. And then Judah says, “Mom, we are supposed to be at school in 2 minutes. We are gonna be really late.” UGH! I’m telling you guys, I never remember just how much Matthew helps out in the mornings until he isn’t here. I just do not function well before 2 cups of coffee. So we were late. Like 15 minutes late. And Judah HATES being late. He was sitting in the back seat, saying, “I have a math test today and it usually starts right after devotion. If I miss the beginning of the math test, I won’t be able to finish it on time.” I do my best to reassure him, telling him that the joy of part-time homeschooling is that he can finish his test anytime. I tell him it’s not a big deal. But he isn’t having it.

We get to school, I walk them into class and remind Judah’s teacher that I will be back in an hr to take him to cancer counseling. But when I got to school to get him, he was on the verge of tears. I asked him what was wrong. Can you guess?? “I didn’t finish my math test Momma!” He was full blown crying now. And I was so thankful we were on the way to counseling. I knew Judah needed time with Dr. Reno and that she was really good at getting him to talk about whatever was eating him up inside. But 30 minutes in, his counselor ended the session at his request. He wouldn’t talk to her. He wouldn’t look at her. He cried/tried not to cry and shrugged his shoulders with every attempt to communicate. Finally she asked him if he wanted to end early and go back to school and he said yes.

After I spoke to his counselor for a few minutes about some tools Matthew and I can use to talk about Judah’s cancer, we left. He was very emotional on the way to the car and even yelled at me. “I asked you not to talk about my cancer so much and you said you wouldn’t, but that’s all you talk about anymore!” I was at this point that I realized my sweet Judah was not dealing with his cancer diagnosis well at all. I tried to explain to him that when I said that, it was when his tumor wasn’t growing. Now that it is growing again, I had to talk about it some. He just looked at me with frustration. He didn’t speak to me again until we were all the way through the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru line — at 11:30. If you’ve ever been there at lunch time, you know he was silent for like 20 minutes! When he finally talked to me again, he said, “will you please take me to school now?”

Guys, Judah and I have been doing cancer counseling and lunch dates every 2 wks for almost 4 yrs and it has always been a joy. But I think, maybe, that time is over for now. Cancer at 4-5 yrs old was hard. Watching Judah go through all that and him not be able to understand why was excruciating. I think cancer at 9-10 is going to be a whole lot harder though. He knows what’s going on. He gets it enough to be angry and dread every conversation. He is struggling. He is hurting. Let me tell you, not being able to help him is tearing me apart.

A friend sent me a verse last night, Isaiah 40:28-29

28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.

I have no power. No strength. No understanding. But Jesus does. I choose to trust that He, whose understanding in unsearchable, will continue to give me the right words to say to Judah. Words to lift him up and restore his strength.