The wait

Some nights I go to bed with a gut feeling that something is going to be off in the night. Falling asleep becomes a trial and when, inevitably, the bad thing happens, I’ve had less sleep than I should have had. Matthew and I team up, doing what we each do best. We spend the early, early morning hours comforting and treating Judah, all 3 of us really longing for sleep. And then the bad passes and the 2 littles wake, and our “morning” starts. We spend the day trying to keep upright, all the while, dreading the repetitive nature of our new normal.

We are beyond tired. Beyond frustrated. Beyond sad. 

We are in Nashville to try an find some answers. Judah has an appointment with the infectious disease Dr here at Vanderbilt. And he is getting a spinal tap to look for possible causes of the fevers. Judah has gotten 4 fever/headache episodes in 4 days. This morning, his fever was 104.6. This is exactly why we are wanting the spinal tap. But get this, the anesthesia Dr doesn’t want to do anesthesia on him because he had a fever in the last 24 hrs…even though the spinal tap is being done BECAUSE of the chronic fevers. It feels so ridiculous. Dr. Esbenshade wants it done and has plead his case to the anesthesia Dr. 

We will see.

For now, we do what we have become really good at. We wait. Wait for Drs plans, for blood and urine tests to come back, for  the ok for the spinal tap, for any new clues, for the middle of the night and the next fever, for relief for Judah.

Much love and gratitude from the Thacker Family

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