My God is good. And Generous. He is merciful and kind. He washes me with grace again and again. Yet I struggle to have faith like a child.
It is confusing to me the heart/head divide. That in my heart I know my God will surround me and lift me up. That He will not abandoned me in my time of need. That he rescues those who love Him and call on Him. But my head, the stubborn and divisive thing it is, reminds me that God being good and bad things happening aren’t mutually exclusive. My head, which can reason me into a fear spiral, says God will do whatever He can to bring his people to himself. That His will often doesn’t match the longings of my heart.
This is when the anxiety begins to eat away at my faith.
I turn to His word, which has never failed me. I read and I pray and sing worship and I cling to hope. And remember that He is good and He loves me with a ridiculously compassionate love.
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